a reflective moment...

Two Months...

It's been two months since I stepped off the plane bewildered and lost and feeling so small in Colombia. Which in itself is funny since I did have a moment in immigration when I realized I was the tallest person in a room of about fifty people. ;) but small is how I felt on arrival.

After two months... What has unfolded?

I might be walking a little taller in who I am. I might trust myself a little bit more. Two months might be too soon to say.

In planning this trip I could not understand the oft repeated question: "aren't you afraid?" or sentiment: "you're so brave". After all it is just traveling and I have no fear of kidnapping and my range of experience did not extend to any other possible fears.

So first on traveling alone. I had no idea how challenging this would be. How often I could be at a loss for where to go, how to get there and how to do what I'd want to do once I arrived. Transportation is a constant puzzle and it is appropriately in spanish. sometimes I am lucky and logistics are a problem with solution but mostly it's just a puzzle!

I've studied spanish, took more classes here. Satisfied myself grammatically but NOTHING can grow your vocabulary faster than experience and the quality of experience is directly tied to the ability to communicate: vocabulary. So if you want to know my name, age, where I am from, if I am married with children, how long I've been traveling, where I have traveled and where I still plan to go... I'm all set. However this conversation takes about ten minutes. Twenty if we talk about work and family. It's not very deep.

And it is a part of a larger issue when traveling alone. The questions above are standard intro conversation. Everyone from taxi drivers to grocery clerks will ask these questions. The shock that I am alone and the pity that follows are things I never expected. I was initially surprised at the personal nature if the questions. It made me feel unsafe. And as I did not have imaginary friends as a child I can't just lie about them now. This is getting easier to deal with but it is a daily reminder you are alone... You are alone.

So given that... How have I done? I have made good friends in short spurts of time. I have had to overcome an innate shyness and put myself out there over and over again with strangers. It's like the first day at a new school every three days! I am proud of how I have done in this regard. It gas been hard and rewarding.

The other area of challenge is just getting around. Buses are tough! Whenever I successfully navigate a multiple bus trip I feel triumphant! Tomorrow is another opportunity for success! But I am arriving in a place without a pre arranged hostel and cannot find any online... a bit of a puzzle.

If it seems as though I am whining it is not the intent or the case. I am merely sharing the answers I have discovered to questions posed before I left.

I feel good. Every time I am afraid, I survive, and usually find fun along the way. I am faced with who I am daily and as it is the primary company I am keeping I am more compassionate with myself than ever before. In general I can take self responsibility straight into self criticism. I have had to soften in this.

Two months in there is some stretching, some lengthening. There is also a great appreciation of the people who support me and hold me in their hearts. The thing is I am hardly traveling alone in this world. I even appreciate the technology designed to keep me connected.

So I guess I left with a naive sense of fear, I am present to it in many forms each day, and in facing it daily I hope to strengthen courage. In the end compassion, courage and love are the primary tools I need to contribute to a better world. It is here in South America where I can best develop the practice of courage.

In joy...
Aly